ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION
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What is Assertiveness?
Assertiveness is about expressing your feelings, thoughts, and wants in such a way that allows you to stand up for your rights whithout transgressing on the liberties of other people.
Assertiveness
How do we use this effective soft skill to learn to say “NO”, when someone asks us to do something while we are busy with our tasks to finish. Assertive communication is the ability to express our ideas and feelings in an open and direct way, Human beings are not born with this skill. Like every social behavior, assertiveness has to be learned. No one is always an effective communicator, We may sometimes more assertive with unknown people, but feel embarassed to do so with relatives, known people and colleagues, With regular practice, over a period of time we may be more assertive.
Uses of Assertive Communication :-
- It gives the strength to make our decisions according to our
- It helps us feel good all the
- It reduces the stress for not being succumbed to
- It maintains our self-esteem.
- It mitigates the hurting and aloofness from other
- It protects us from being taken advantage of by
- It enables us to make free choices and decisions in our
- It gives us the sufficient time to finish our
Let’s see into other styles of Assertive Communication :- Passive Style
Passive style is totally different from Assertive style. People with passive style are modest, humble, submissive and diffident. Thought, these are good qualities, people with passive style are normally of shy nature and do not show their feelings openly, This passive style causes helplessness, depression and anger. Passive style people are always afraid of saying “No”, when others try to take advantage of their inability, to use assertive communication.
Characteristics of Passive Communicative people :-
- People with Passive style never express their feelings
- They want to say ‘No’, but they cant’.
- Their opinions never come out freely and
- They are reticent and suppress their inner
Art of saying ‘NO’
We know that we have different kinds of people and personalities in the society. That is quiet natural. One day, when I was in Melbourne, Australia, I went to one of my friend’s house to meet him as usual on my day off. He was married for one year and living with his wife. As a custom, I was offered coffee. Having finished the coffee, I and my friend were discussing on current affairs around the world in general and about Indian in particular. As our discussion was finished in almost one and half hour, we planned to go to temple that was situated about 30 miles away from my friend’s place. Suddenly, the bell rang and my friend’s wife opened the door. A woman and her one year old baby entered the house. She was also an Indian and living in the same complex. They went inside along with my friend’s wife. After a few minutes, the neighbor woman left the house leaving her baby in my friend’s house.
As we sat for lunch, my friend’s wife in her empathetic voice told that “we cannot go to temple today”, as the neighbor woman left her baby to be looked after till they return. Astonished with that, I asked my
friend’s wife, “Where this neighbor woman is going”? She told that the neighbor woman was going to movie along with her husband. Then I asked her, why you didn’t tell her that we have planned to go to temple. She replied in same empathetic voice that she could not say ‘No’ to her request. Moreover, my friend’s wife did not know how to look after a one year child, as she did not have any children due to the fact that they had recently got married.
Helping neighbors is a good thing, but not at the expense of your planned schedules. Thoughs, she could say ‘No’ to the neighbor, she could not. Reason – lack of assertiveness. These types of incidents are normally happen in the society. It is our right to be assertive while dealing with people, especially when our scheduled engagements are getting disturbed. Hence, assertive communication is very important to be dealt with all kinds of people in all the situations.
Aggressive style
Aggressive style is exactly opposite to Passive style, Aggressive style people never listen to any one and act in their own way, They use their power to get the job done violating procedural norms, Aggressive style people often misuse their power and never care about rules, regulations and laid down procedure. They do not even care offending people while getting their jobs done. They never maintain social or official deco- rum, and often abuse the power vested on them. Overall, they are detrimental to any organization and society. These types of people communicate aggressively and do not bother about the welfare of others and generally selfish nature, and sometimes they act sadistically to take revenge on people.
Characteristics of Aggressive communicative people :-
- Always have intimidating postures and
- Always disturb others
- Never be good listeners and always behave
- Invariably plays blame game and never accept their
- Show dominating and attacking
- They are always frustrated and
people may be negative or disruptive, you should always be positive! cosmos maybe passive or aggressive, You should always be assertive!
I want to be cohesive,
Never want to be vituperative or invective, Because I am assertive!
If you want to be ameliorative, Never be obtrusive or intrusive,
Always be conclusive and informative!
All want to be prerogative, coercive and effusive, That’s why success is elusive and plaintive,
use your intutive, not to be discursive, Because it’s going to be all pervasive!
Passive Aggressive Style
Alternatively we can call Passive Aggressive Style people as most idiotic people. They always protect themselves by avoiding problems and never take risks. They are cunning, cynical and ingenious and purposefully spoil plans of others. Their postures and gestures are not in accordance with social norms and always run down other people by talking negatively. They are generally not good achievers but feel bitter and envy of other’s successful achievements. Naturally, these Passive Aggressive Style people are most dangerous at any people is a trickly one, as these people never show their true colors openly and often do things in clandestine way.
Characteristics of Passive Aggressive communicative people:-
- Never express their feeling
- Try to disturb the normal function of any organization
- Look friendly and polite but their intentions are
- Because of these people, organizations fail to meet its
- Always feel happy inside, when others are in
- Pretend as helping others, but stealthily ruin other’s
- Accept any task with enthusiasm but spoil the work
- Play tricks when
- Always play a blame
- Always try to inflict negative information with
- Always protect themselves by avoiding problems and never take
Demoralize colleagues thereby causing the damage to the organization.
